Negative self talk

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want." (Oscar Wilde)

Who do you talk to the most? Yourself - of course - so only you can control your negative self talk.

From the Emailbag: "No matter what I do, I feel trapped in an endless cycle of negative self talk. What can I do about it?" The answer is: "You are not trapped but it will take active steps to heal this all too common problem."

* Negative Self Talk: When you speak negatively to yourself about yourself, it is like taking poison because it causes that inner positive spark to die. No one can think, believe, talk, or act for you except for yourself. The single difference between those who succeed and those who fail in life… is their self talk.

* Awareness and Action: Breaking the grip of negative self talk takes two things. One is awareness: when you know that you have a negative self talk problem that is half the battle. Two is action: the other half of the battle and the more important half. Nothing in the physical world is accomplished without action. Effective action requires both a plan and the willingness to work on and stick to your plan… no matter what!

* Plan #1: Shadow Side Issue: Many times, the negative things you just cannot stop saying about yourself… spring from our deepest rooted issues. When you say "I am just not good enough", is that your voice or the voice of a hyper-critical parent speaking? When you say "I am just so lazy", is it that you resent someone in your life who is lazy and who you do not want to be like?" When you say "I am no good with money", is it that you are fearful of money? When you discover the real issue behind your negative self talk and heal it, you can end it forever.

* Plan #2: Frown Upside Down: When you catch yourself thinking negatively, stop instantly. Come up with a positive mantra that you will then repeat to yourself three times. For example, what I say is, "I have an awesome brain which brings me great abundance for which I am grateful." This is just an example… you must come up with your own positive saying that helps you feel good as it helps to break the cycle of negative thinking.

* Plan #3: Be Consistent: Your habit pattern of negative self talk was built up over years… so it will take some time to reverse… that is the bad news. The good news is that the negative self talk habit can be broken in much less time with consistent/persistent efforts. Only you are in control of your thoughts and so you can create them anyway you like. You can stop the negativity if you choose to! Just make that choice from now on.